dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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