eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
