our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
