dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
