Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
