I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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