i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
