I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize