using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That accounts for only three of the penises
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
