& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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