oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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