Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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