I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize