I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize