my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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