I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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