Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
