oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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