Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize