Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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