I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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