awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
