My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
...so i touched it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
