Having a random hookup so left but love u
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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