You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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