piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
