If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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