I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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