he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
