I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
