she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
