Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it glows. i had to have it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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