Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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