sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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