Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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