u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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