you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
