I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
