I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
