It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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