Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
