You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
