I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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