the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In America we eat man semen.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
