Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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