I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
