she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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