I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
