yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
