I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
