True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
