don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
is it fun? or sober?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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