He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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