I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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