Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
