Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
