well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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