It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
