i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize