Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
