it was like eating out sand paper
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
FUCK WHALES
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
