I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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