Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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