I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
