I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
