so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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