Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
