my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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