is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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