got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
