I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
