My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
