Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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