What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
