I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
