I feel like I'm in dance class right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Welp...herpes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
