My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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