the condom got lost in my hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize