Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
