my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you had me at cake vodka
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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