in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
